Sunday, July 20, 2014

Tell Me Anything You Want, Baby

I can hardly continue to sit & reminisce over past mistakes made when my brain sits in such a state of haggard disarray. I've filtered through endless scenarios of a better way to say things to the ghost but my mania is quickly becoming a very tangible thing.
My side hurts & my chest is tight.
Sometimes I'm angry, but mostly in the morning.
I know I should cut back on the cigarettes, but, with like most things, my apathy stops me from committing more self harm & who am I to care? A fucking ideologue without the slightest bit of desire to curb his own inhibitions. A few summers ago a good friend of mine made a joke about his favorite state to be in when getting drunk & remarked, "I don't ever like to black out, I would prefer it if I could just maintain a constant fog over my whole life." I thought it was funny then, & while I still think it's funny now, holy motherfucker how I can relate; my short term memory's gone to shit.

The road may be winding & slippery as hell, but fuck it.

I'd fall one-million times over & breath in the sweet decay of this goddamn city just to remember that I'm still alive.

Before I die I want to_________.



Wednesday, July 2, 2014

27 Days until

Blinding light
I cannot walk
a lump in my throat
a pain in my chest
a thorn in my side

Blood on my thumb
never again
a BLINDING light
all summed up into a decimal point
a body bag
a granulated bag

BLINDING light
crushed
the cylindrical shape is the method
the tunnel full of granular comfort
a rush of wind
flying quickly into my cerebrum
I cannot walk
my thoughts race

Mouth sewn shut